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D.C. United

We usually don't like to give away company secrets, but we have no problem listing the recipe that created the DC United Modify Watch. This type of transparency is mostly because the ingredients are impossible to find (unless you've been given access to equipment capable of time travel, which we have). So, in the unlikely event that a 1988 Delorean is idling in your garage, here you go: Take a shield, put that shield in a pot of water. Add to that pot the essence of a league-record four MLS Titles, but they must be added separately for full effect. Digesting four titles simultaneously could be fatal. Now stir the mixture. SLOWLY. Jeez, turbo. Calm down. Next, add the picture of a bald eagle looking left. It must not be a living bald eagle, and it must not be looking right, this is important. Finally, add both water and silt from the Anacostia River. You then pour the mixture into a chevron-shaped cookie tray and place it into a preheated oven for the next 18 years Good luck! Or you could just buy the DC United Modify Watch from us, and rep the only DC sports team to win a ring since Hammer Pants were a thing. Your move.
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